Fave Five Fridays: Annoying Things Are Annoying

There is one common denominator that many gamers, including myself, can clearly say hate the most while playing multiplayer games, like Call of Duty. Snipers, everyone hates them. You hate them. I hate them. Everyone hates them. I’m pretty sure other snipers even hate snipers. Just me saying the term “sniper” probably sent chills down your spine. Well, get ready. I’m about to be your worst enemy. Here are MY Top 5 most annoying things in video games.


 

5. Loading Times – Back in our day (yes, I know how old that makes me feel to say) we didn’t have to worry about loading times. All we had to do was plug and play. However, now with the better technology and better graphics and better just about everything, there had to be a part of that where it all had to load. During the booming age of disc tech, there were loading times.

Some of which, I’m looking at you Sonic Adventures and Sonic 06, abused the hell out of it and every time you decided to go on to the next mission, the loading screen will allow you to get up and go grab a drink of water or watch your favorite TV show or, you know, do something else other than play your favorite level, Loading Screen, all day. All I want to do is play as Big the Cat, Sega! Is that too hard to ask!? IS IT?! IS IT!? IS IT SO HARD THAT I WANT TO GO AND PLAY A GAME WITHOUT GETTING OLD WHILE WATCHING THE DAMN THING TELLING ME IT IS LOADING? I WANT TO PLAY THE GAME!


 

4. Dark Souls 2 Deaths – Now, I’m going to be real honest here. You’re going to die in Dark Souls. There’s no way around it. Hell, when you die the first time in Dark Souls 2, you receive an achievement saying “This Is Dark Souls” taunting your every move, mocking you, showing you how many people have died over the few months that it had been in stores and in people’s boxes.

With that being said, there are times where dying can get annoying. For instance, while facing a demon boss in one of the fire levels, it seems easy enough. Boss is slow, able to dodge out of his attacks and attack him. However, roll once to your left too much or your right too much and YOU’RE DEAD! D-E-A-D! Dead! Then you try again…and do the same thing again, only by rolling forward. Gah!

But that’s just a boss, you’re suppose to die there. How about in the peaceful land of Majula? Your home away from home and the place where EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE decide Oh, hey little piggies! Where’s your houses at? I don’t see any straw or twig houses. Hey, what- OMFG! I’M DEAD?! HOW!? WHAT THE HELL!? I DIDN’T EVEN HIT THEM! PIGS ARE DICKS!

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3. Oddjob – You had that friend. You know, THAT friend. That friend invites you over to his house for some good ol’ fashioned 007: GoldenEye on the N64…and that son of a biscuit chooses Oddjob. In slaps. If you don’t know “that friend” then, sorry to tell you, YOU ARE THAT FRIEND AND YOU SHOULDN’T BE PLAYING VIDEO GAMES OR HAVE FRIENDS BECAUSE YOU ARE A HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE FRIEND! WHY DON’T YOU LET ME BE ODDJOB?! EVERY TIME I TRY TO BE ODDJOB ALL I GOT WAS “NO ODDJOB!” YET YOU GET TO CHOOSE ODDJOB! JERK!

 


 

2. Blue Turtle Shells – This one hits a little home for me, you see. If you have followed Chachi Plays, you would know that I am one of the best Mario Kart players in America, if not the World. I have a pretty expensive and pretty awesome championship belt to prove it. It’s on a display in my house, lights up every night. I am pretty damn awesome, when you think about it.

Things would have gone a lot smoother, though, if those damn blue spikey shells were nowhere to be found. You could be leading in a race, 3rd lap, about to cross the finish line and out of the blue some dude in the back of the pack gets the blue shell and takes you out letting someone like Baby Mario squeeze by for 1st place.

But that’s not why it’s on this list, oh no. That would be too easy. You could be a close 3rd, see the shell coming while you pass to be #2 ONLY TO BE TAKEN OUT BY THE BLAST RADIUS FROM HELL! HOW THE HELL IS THAT FAIR?! I’M NOT IN FIRST PLACE! THAT SHELL SHOULD ONLY TAKE OUT THE PERSON WHO IS IN FIRST! HELL, MAYBE MAKE IT HALF THE GIGANTIC RIDICULOUS RADIUS TO MAKE IT EVEN MORE FUN! BUT NO! YOU HAVE NOT ONLY EFFED MY CHANCES AT BEING FIRST BUT YOU ALSO EFFED MY CHANCES AT PLACING! THANKS WARIO, I HOPE YOU LIKED KNOWING THAT YOU SCREWED THAT UP FOR ME!


 

Out of everything that annoys me about video games, there is just one thing worse than all of the ones that I just mentioned. One annoyance that is just annoying to no end. It takes the fun out of playing the game just by its existence and it’s. Always. A. Thing. No matter what you do and when you think you’re fin-

1. HERE COMES A NEW CHALLENGER! – COME ON! I WAS SO CLOSE TO BEATING M. BISON! I DON’T WANT TO PLAY ANYONE RIGHT NOW! I WANT TO FIGHT THE CPU BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO BE ANNOYED BY SOMEONE WHO WILL PROBABLY PICK BLANKA AND MASH THE SAME BUTTON OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO DO THAT ELECTRIC MOVE OVER AND OVER AGAIN! THAT NEVER GETS OLD! OH WAIT! IT DOES! IT GETS OLD AFTER THE FIRST 4 TIMES YOU DID IT!

NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK AND START THAT MATCH OVER AGAIN BECAUSE I WAS INTERRUPTED BY SOMEONE WHO JUST BUTTON MASHES ONE BUTTON OVER AND OVER AGAIN?!

Okay…almost there….so close this time…I can ta-

JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! PUNCH! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! KICK! JUMP! JUMP! KICK! STOP JUMPING AND FIGHT!

Now that fight is out of the way, it’s time fo-

OH GREAT! E. F’N HONDA! I WONDER WHAT THIS GUY’S GOING TO DO! OH LOOK! JUST STANDS IN THE CORNER DOING THE FAST HANDS MOVE! YEAH! THAT TAKES TALENT! GOOD JOB, DUDE! GOOD JOB!

What are your annoyances in video games? Leave it in the comments down below and we’ll see you next Friday for another fantastic Fave Five for five fantastic facts facing fun stuff like video games.

Welp, There Goes My Money…All of It

ON THE DAY THAT DARK SOULS IS FREE ON XBOX GOLD!

Namco has released a video highlighting their first of three DLC stories that you are going to buy, if you have played Dark Souls 2. The Trilogy is called “The Lost Crowns” and the first crown, coming in late July will be the Crown of the Sunken King, followed by the Crown of the Old Iron King in August and The Crown of the Ivory King in September.

Just read the news from Namco Bandai if you need me, I will be in the dark corner sobbing in the fetal position.

SAN JOSE, Calif., (June 4, 2014) – Leading video game publisher and developer BANDAI NAMCO Games America Inc. and FromSoftware today announced the impending arrival of three new DLC chapters to the critically acclaimed Dark Souls™ II for the PlayStation®3 computer entertainment system, Xbox 360® games and entertainment system from Microsoft, and PC via Steam. These three new DLC chapters known as The Lost Crowns trilogy will take Dark Souls II fans through entirely original areas to face a slew of unknown enemies, overcome diabolic challenges, and take-on fearsome bosses. Crown of the Sunken King, the first chapter in this DLC trilogy, will be available in the Americas on July, 22, 2014 followed by the DLC launches ofCrown of the Old Iron King on August 26, 2014 and Crown of the Ivory King on September 24, 2014. A Season Pass program will also be offered for the entire The Lost Crowns trilogy via Steam for PC players in the Americas.

Crown of the Sunken King, the first chapter in the trilogy, sends players on a journey to reclaim the crowns that Drangleic’s King Vendrick once owned. Crown of the Sunken King features an entirely different world within the Dark Souls II universe, where stepped pyramids span a vast underground cavern. It is said that one of the ancient crowns lay buried deep within these dark caverns; but surely such a valued item cannot sit unguarded. Players that seek adversity and glory will be rewarded with a crown that holds the strength of lords from times long past.

Rated “T” for Teen by the ESRB, Dark Souls II is available for the PlayStation 3 computer entertainment system, the Xbox 360 games and entertainment system from Microsoft, and PC. The game is available for purchase now at video game retailers and on Steam in the Americas. Each individual chapter of The Lost Crowns trilogy will be available for purchase in the Americas via the PlayStation Network, Xbox Live Marketplace, and Steam for a SRP of $9.99 USD. The Steam season pass encompassing all three chapters of The Lost Crowns trilogy will be available for a SRP of $24.99 USD.

I don’t know what to do. I mean, this is such a hard decision to make. I HAVEN’T EVEN BEATEN THE MAIN STORY YET! DANGIT! It’s….it’s…alright….you win, here’s my money.

 

 

My Top 5 Best Steam Reviews

I can’t imagine buying a game like SMB3 because I know that I’m going to enjoy that game. It’s a known fact. There’s clear history of the fact that Super Mario Brothers 3 is a damn good game and it should be treated like one. However, when Steam came along, it made me focus more on what the fans had to say about the game more than what the game actually was.

More so, it made me want to purchase a few games just based off of reading games reviews done by Steam reviewers. It got to the point where i purchased PURCHASED Day Z for that fact. So here is a list of my favorite Reviews on Steam.

Day Z:

Now, I could go on and make a whole post about how awesome Day Z Reviews are. However, this one really stood out to me as one of the top because….well, because Minecraft Logic need not apply:

Goat Simulator:

You are a goat. You play as a goat. You do goat like things. And this one Steam Reviewer hits it right in the feels.

All my life I have been empty. The doctors could not tell me why I was so depressed, and I never knew myself until today. I needed to experience my life as a goat. Goat Simulator his filled the void in my life.

I knew as soon as I hit the truck with my goat that this was what I had been missing. I flew through the air in slow motion, tongue flying around, hitting the edge of the map and rebounding back, landing on (and falling through) the roof of a house. I could not get out, but that did not matter. I was treated with the ability to look down into the house beneath me, seeing the unsuspecting people casually sitting at their computers, oblivious to the sheer terror of the goat above them.

Whether it was playing football with a basketball, swinging lampposts into groups of people or even doing 1080 degree flips, there was no limit to life as a goat. I didn’t think it could get any better than this.

I was wrong.

As I jumped and screamed my way around the map, leaving a path of destruction in my wake, I happened upon a golden statue. Curiosity overtook me and I resisted the urge to grab it no longer. My life as a goat changed completely. I had a jetpack.

I knew that this was meant to be, and what my mission from the Great Coffee Stain in the sky was. I was granted the supergoat power of being able to lift people and cars with my tongue. I could survive any impact. I could slow down time with mere thought. Now I could fly. It was time for world domination. Humanity had to be silenced so that the new goat overlords could reign supreme.

All the humans are dead or enslaved. I have won. I am the goat, the goat is me.

Go and goat this game. I kid you not, for mere bucks you can experience a sandbox like no other. Destruction, mayhem, death defying stunts. Seriously, there are more than 921 million goats in the world. Killing the humans was just part of the game. This is a SIMULATOR. Do you understand? A SIMULATOR. This can happen. There are enough goats out there to enslave us and/or kill us.

It is your duty as a human to get this game, so that you may truly know your enemy. An enemy people do not take seriously, an enemy that we know nothing about. Coffee Stain studios have granted us the insight into the true terrifying reality of the impending Goatpocalypse. This is your weapon against the goats. Be prepared, for the goats are coming to get us.

Rust:

The precursor to Day Z, so of course you’re going to have those awesome Steam Reviews and one Steam review has reached over 20k people who said this review was helpful

I love this game, I built a house around a guys house and made him my prisoner, I fed him cans of tuna and cooked chicken when it was available, and some times I would drop in spare logs of wood(when they were available). The best part. he talks to me, keeps telling me his clans going to raid my structure and save him.. I simply respond with .” It puts the lotion on its skin, or it gets the hose again” and by hose I mean I dump charcoal on him.
-Great game hope the servers come up soon, I think my pet may need to eat.

Dark Souls 2:

This week, Dark Souls 2 was released on Steam and it already produced some of my favorite reviews to date, so I’m going to break the “one only” mold that I had going for this. If you have money and a Steam account and like to play good games, such as Dark Souls, don’t let these reviews detour you. Go play Dark Souls 2. You won’t regret it.

First, let’s start off with something that you will get very used to when you pop in the game of Dark Souls 2. You’re going to die. You’re going to die a lot. If you don’t die, you’re doing something wrong or you’re not moving from one spot.

You’re bound to see this…so why not start it in the Steam reviews?

Now that we got that out of the way, I was trying so hard to come up with SOMETHING to compare DS2 to. It’s a good game and it’s a hard game and it’s a game that makes you want to hate things and a game that makes you want to like things and hate the same things at the exact same time. However, this one review 100% gets it. Enjoy my favorite Steam review from my favorite Stream reviewer in all of history (as of May 1st, 2014):

Don’t question it! You want my DS2 review? I don’t need Adam Sessler or anyone from the now defunct G4 Network to tell me about this game, I don’t need that. All they need is iFapToYourSister. iFapToYourSister needs his own show. iFapToYourSister clearly puts it out in the open and gets everything.

iFapToYourSister.

Praise the Sun! The Dark Souls 2 Review

You know, I normally don’t say this about a game, but holy hell this is a strange game.

By “strange” I don’t mean confusing, bad or anything in between. This is a strange game because no matter how hard this game is, it’s one of those games you can’t put down. You can die one thousand times before knowing where to go, but Sun willing, you’re going to go and find out where to go.

Oh…and also the Last Giant is strange, as well.

Dark Souls 2 is that strange game. It makes you want to go out and complete this game in spite and still have a damn good time playing this game. I just got by the first main boss and after ten or twelve times, as I started to get drained from this game, I stopped and a little birdie in my head started to tell me to “keep going, you’ll feel better.” This little birdie hasn’t come out in a while for me.

In fact, the last time I felt relief while beating a boss was while playing Majora’s Mask on the N64. Dark Souls brought me back to my youth in playing the game. Yes, you get frustrated and yes, you die a lot while playing this game.

BUT IT’S WORTH EVERY BIT OF IT!

That’s not including the fact that if you have, like, more than 1,000 Souls (used as currency in the game) far from your last save spot, it’s probably going to be very unlikely that your going to get those souls back, because you’re probably going to die before then.

However, when I feel like it’s a lost cause, I notice that there are multiple paths and multiple little trinkets that I normally didn’t find when I first played it and, honestly, that’s one of the nice things about this game. It’s open enough to have more than one path and one way to take out your foes and gain cool things.

Also, this game is very strange in the fact that it uses a multiplayer function but still a single player game. It uses online to show you other players’ paths and notes and unsuccessful attempts at different things, which was a pretty cool feature, even though most of the deaths that I have clicked feature most of them just jumping off the edge into their untimely death.

Overall, this is one of the games that makes me proud to be a gamer. It’s a game that, albeit difficult, wants me to beat this game and wants me to succeed in playing this game (even though there has been more than twenty million deaths recorded). It’s a game that will be one of those games that I will play over and over again in different ways and have fun all over again…while dying…hopefully not as much as I am now.