Gamers Are Dicks, And So Can You!

The past few weeks, we have discussed how dickishly evil a certain someone can get during a Mario Maker level making sesh. I mean, who would make these hard as shit levels in order to make you guys feel like you accomplished something in a Mario game? Who would stoop so low to make a level that dickish that friendships had to end? Oh wait, that was me!

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Trust me, I tried so hard to make easy peezy levels that everyone can enjoy, that people would cherish and enjoy and find time to go “Hey, you know what? That Rizz guy’s level is so good” but then I realized most of my friends are dicks and went with having 50 giant Thwomps in a row and at the end you better have brought that turtle shell you saw in the first part of the game because that Hammer Bro is your only way to the flag and you better hit that hole just right or else “OOOOH NOOOO!” (*play Mario death song*).

If you want to try it for yourself, there’s a list of my levels (and, also, Chachi’s levels on the right hand side).

But then my rocky road took a weird turn as I went to GTA Online and after many failed attempts at being nice and trying to do missions and just a leisurely drive (heck, I even tried to outrun a drive-by on a bicycle…dude was going 5 mph right beside me), there came a point in time I found someone shopping and…well…um…I’ll let you be the judge on my actions.

I believe it was the great Bill Shakespeare who once said, “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain”. I sure enough became a villain in the world of GTA Online because right after that, a $5k bounty was placed on my head. Not only that, after a helicopter got sniped out of the air taking out both the pilot and passenger, they hired mercs to take your boy with the fancy suit and bow tie out. Can you believe that?! Jeesh.

So, I got friends mad at me and the open world gang mad at me, what other group of people is there for me to give it to? OH I KNOW! Three words that get the most dicks: First. Person. Shooters.

Now, you know that old adage of being “campers” and “dicks” and “snipers” and all of the other terms that just seemed to be at people that, well, that deserve every minute of it. But…what if the last time you checked the standings and you were the last name on the losing team in Destiny’s Mayhem Clash (a quicker  version of their Clash, where all the cool-downs are sped up and there’s no wait time to come back into battle). I noticed a giant red blip on the map and, like any good gamer, I went over to check it out and just did this for the next minute and a half.

 

Notice the devious and maniacal laughter in the background.

Notice who lead the team at the end (SPOILER ALERT: It was me!).

It’s not me meaning to be a total dick to everyone I see, it’s more of a bored thing and I get one of those urges where being one to whomever is in my way. I find it comfortable knowing that someone thinks I’m just a total d-bag. It’s also a good way to earn easy XP and easy points and easy whatever the heck you want to get easy.

It’s also spontaneous, too, which is why I love it so. The people who camp out on a daily basis and try for the no-scope 360 headshot, the people who stalk you while trying to play GTA just so they can shoot you up, those guys can go to hell. Being a dick once in a while makes the world go ’round and

I guess I have just been hanging around Chachi way too damn long.